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Drowning Puddle and Rising Tide

I’ve always been honest in this blog, even when it reflects how awkward, emotional, and chaotic I am or my life can be. I own my crazy, I own my messy house, my chaos, and my choices.  Sometimes feel like I’m doing pretty darned well at this thing called life, and sometimes, meh, not so much.  The past few weeks have been a combination of the two.

Let’s start with where I feel things are tanking a bit, and end with a positive bang, shall we?  (Not that type of bang, you perverts. ha!).

So, the house.  Oh my god, the house.  I’ve never been great at housekeeping, probably because I am always so damned busy.  I’m always working, running kids from place to place, and on the move somewhere.  When I am not doing those things, I am resting because I am exhausted,  trying to tackle some sort of project, or I am laid up with a bad back or pinched nerves in my hip.  I’m kind of a mess, and my house reflects that.  It’s not hoarder status, but my mother is probably rolling in her grave like a rotisserie chicken about my current mess.  The washing machine broke the other week, meaning I had to tackle a lot of the clothes stored in the laundry room.  Some had to be tossed, and I ended up washing every piece of clothing in there and the laundromat, sorting into bags by person vs donate.  Massive job that took me all day and a handful of cash.  My husband, through rage and youtube alone, was able to repair the washer (we were both aggravated the washer went right after we replaced the fridge that broke and didn’t want to spend the money buying a new one.)  Bags of laundry are in my living room, y’all.  Like, bags and bags.  And I need to put the clothes away, except there isn’t enough room because we have minimal storage space.  Which means I have to go through those damned bags again and pick out only essentials, and also donate clothes in closets that can go, so that I can make room.  See, it’s never just one job, it’s two massive ones. Add to that 3 other bags of hand-me-downs that someone passed on, and it’s a big project.  That’s part of where my problem lies.  It’s never just a simple job….it’s a job that needs 4 other jobs done before it.  Effectively, we have too much stuff, and it needs to be purged.  Once I do it, I know I will feel divine.  It’s just a matter of getting it all done with no block of time to give it.

Not to mention, I clean it, and five minutes later someone comes by and messes it up.  It’s an endless cycle.  I hate it.

Financially, I need to dig myself out of some debt.  I want to get all the weight of money and housemess off myself.  This will include cutting the cable cord, although I have been too chickenshit to do it.  Ridiculous really, because I literally watch maybe 3 shows on TV.  That being said, I’m not the only one who lives here, and I can probably get the shows I need for everyone else a different way.  The cord cutting is in progress.  Researching and trial running things is currently going on.  I picked up a second job.  Honestly, the company told me up front the pay is shit, and really, it kind of is.  That being said, it’s money, and I’ll take it.  I had said “the only way I could do a second job is if it was remote, could be done outside of my regular job, and had flexibility.  The odds of getting something that met all those criteria was pretty slim, until the universe handed me exactly that.  It’s something I can do remotely, nights, weekends, and has a load of flexibility.  Score.  Even if it’s just a couple of hundred bucks a month, it’s a good side gig. I’m also going to be in the process of selling some stuff we have.  I have gorgeous, brand new with tags on Disney kids’ princess dresses that have never been worn.  Time to sell them.  Collectibles that I no longer collect.  All of it…it can go.  Kids clothes I can sell.  Now, I say I’m going to do this quite a bit, but this time I need to ACTUALLY do it, so I figure if I write it here it will spur me on.

Drowning in stuff.  It starts with a dribble and ends with a pond.

Yet all is not lost!

I’m realizing that we are raising really kind, loving, and giving kids.  My son has volunteered to tutor younger kids at an elementary school.  My daughter is a warrior of a girl who volunteered to get her teeth pulled, yet cried over her friend struggling with a family issue. She hates to see anyone struggle, and tries very hard to be a good friend.  I am seeing more and more as they grow that lessons of trying to be kind and helping others have taken root with them, and it brings me a lot of happiness.  I also see they have a quick and sarcastic wit which I enjoy quite a lot.

In other bright news, one of my favorite neighborhood kids told me yesterday she was surprised to see me “stylin'”.  When I questioned her, she looked at my ripped jeans and said “it’s not often you see old people with style, wearing jeans like that”.  I joked about her calling me old and while I realized I’m officially old, it sure did make me laugh.  If I’m a stylin’ old lady, I can deal with that.

One month before we head out on vacation.  I had thought that time would drag, but it has ZOOMED by.  I can hardly believe it’s happening so quickly, but I am beyond excited.  I can’t wait to see the intense green fields, smell the country air, and see the star filled night sky with nothing to block the view.  I want to taste the foods that bring me comfort, like fish and chips, custard, bakewell tart, and more.  I want to hug the people who will tell me stories about my mom.  I want to sit at my mom’s grave and tell her all the stories and gossip since my last trip.  Giggling with my cousins, having a beer and cracking jokes…I am excited for every moment.  I can’t wait for my children to see where I grew up.  My only sadness is I can’t show them the land and houses (unless I want a trespassing charge that is) where I ran in the fields and climbed the trees.  I also want to know if there really are leeches in the brook by the old house of if the adults just told us that to make us stay out of it. I’m glad we’d already booked the vacation and paid for it before some of life’s burdens fell on us.  I know otherwise we’d have had to postpone, and mentally, I think all four of us NEED this break.

Life is a balance.  When we feel like we are drowning, we need to grab tight to the life preserver and hold on.

 

 

 

 

 

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