Today would have been my mom’s birthday. I think we’ll take the kids for ice cream.
I always try to find something happy to do on days like this. They kids know I miss her, every day. They know that some days, I get a bit sad. Sometimes, I miss her enough that I may get a bit teary eyed, usually when I realize she is missing something amazing. Grief is a tough thing to show kids, and to talk about with them. It’s important to let them know that grief is normal, natural, and ok to go through. In fact, it’s important to go through it. What I don’t want, is for them to think that it’s ok to get lost in the grief, to wrap the grief around you so tightly that you don’t let the joy in. It’s easy to do, especially as someone who suffers from depression. If I am not mindful, I know I can get too deep in the grief.
The past few years, we have done fun things for her birthday, to celebrate life. One year we took a trip to the lake to my aunt’s house. Another year, ice cream at Carvel. Each was a simple joy that taught the kids that I want to celebrate my mom in small ways. If the mention of her is always tinged in sadness, they will associate her memory in a negative light. I choose to associate her memory with happiness and treats, laughter and funny stories. It makes it easier for me, and frankly, she would hate if her memory was carried on in a sad light. She was much too vibrant for that.
To be fair, got teary eyed for just a few brief seconds, and I’m not sure where it came from exactly, but I am back to feeling positive and looking forward to spending the night with my husband and kids. My favorite 3. I have so many wonderful things to be happy for, so many wonderful memories of her to share, and knowing her as I do, I know that would be the very best gift I could have given her.
Happy birthday Mum.