Halloween is over. Halloween is a massive holiday in my house, probably my husband’s favorite. We decorate the house, pull out all the animatronics, and do it up. We also dress up, have family dress up, and we haunt the neighborhood. We typically get several hundred kids a year trick or treating.
This year, my “Descendants 2” obsessed daughter wanted to go as Mal, and asked me to go as Malificient. Now, Malificient is one of my favorite movies, but I wasn’t really feeling it for Halloween. That being said, my daughter is only a few years away from being mortified by my very existence, and I know this. She will head into the pre teens, embarrassed by me, as most kids are. I know I have to soak up every moment of her being proud of me now, as I may need those memories to cling to later.
So I get myself a costume. And to be fair, a lot of kids and parents liked it. Some kids trick or treating even asked me to take photos with them! I felt rather honored. I felt pretty cute in my costume, and was pretty pleased with how it came out.
Then I saw the pictures.
I looked HUGE. After they cancelled my aqua zumba class that I loved, I stopped going to the Y. The kids’ activities were taking up 7 days a week and there was no time for me. My weight loss from the “year of yes” has crept back since it’s been the summer of “I can’t my kids have practice”. It’s not their fault, it all belongs squarely onto my shoulder, and chins, and I could go on but it’s depressing me……
Tomorrow is my 25th high school reunion. I’m going, even though I had to leave sophmore year because we moved. I went to middle school and high school with these folks, and I’d like to see them again. I am less, enthused, however, after seeing those pictures of myself. How did I let myself go like this? Granted, I haven’t gained 20 lbs over the summer, but it shows that I am not looking after myself properly. I look tired, my skin looks drab, and I have thrown a few lbs back on. I feel like I have lost my luster. Add to that the medical stuff, and I feel so DRAINED. I need to get back on track, and take better care of myself.
My daughter sees me only as Mommy. The mommy who loves her unconditionally, the mommy who sings her awake every morning with silly songs. I am the giver of hugs, the one who makes sure things are handled. I am her soft place to land after a hard day. I suppose I would like to be less physically soft..lol. My decision to consider surgery in the next few months is based on trying to keep myself healthy for my kids and my husband. It’s time I started making better choices, taking baby steps, and getting my butt in gear. The first step is the hardest.
I don’t want to be chubby malificient.