Determination and a Miracle (otherwise known as how I found a swimsuit I didn’t hate.)

Well hello! Long time no blog. I know, I know, I’m a slacker. Actually, I take that back, because I have been quite busy. I have been busy enough that I haven’t even been watching any Housewives shows! I’ll probably be sharing some of my recent adventures soon, but today is about my Little Miracle, and how it came about.
I woke up this morning, and as is my standard practice, I checked Facebook. I saw a posting on there that caught my eye, about how it’s important for us moms to put on their swimsuits and to go enjoy summer with our kids. How we need to get in that pool, splash in the waves, and let go of the self consciousness that many of us feel in a bathing suit. The article is here: Moms, Put on That Swimsuit!.
I read the article, and then stared at the ceiling, deep in thought. Bathing suit shopping is one of my most hated activities. A day of bathing suit shopping usually leaves me feeling positively horrendous about my self image. I’m not a skinny Minnie. I have big boobs that always make suit shopping difficult. My stomach saw a bikini during one summer of my entire adult life. ONE SUMMER. 2 pregnancies left it looking deflated, depressed, and a bit like a puckered asshole. It’s gotten better, but it’s not my favorite body part. My ass is lackluster. It’s flat, and unshapely. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate my figure, it’s not fabulous, but it’s decent for being 40, having 2 kids, working a desk job full time, and having back problems that make exercise difficult. My husband likes it. That being said, I am more comfortable navigating this body around when it has a sufficient layer of clothing on. This means that I often bow out of time on the beach, or have refused a dip in the pool.
This article made me realize how sad that is. I am giving up moments of fun, possibly lasting memories for my kids and I, over being shy about my figure or worrying about people judging me. I swore I’m going to try to change my mindset. First plan? Get a swimsuit.
I headed to the mall, nervous and unsure. The kids sensed my fear and anxiety. They didn’t know what was causing it, but they knew. They were very well behaved. I chose a few suits to try on and walked determinedly to the fitting room. I tried the first suit on…and I liked it. I really liked it. The kids immediately said they liked it. It held me up, covered my ass, and made me feel comfortable. Sure, I will still have some flaws showing, only now I care much less. I have quality time with my kids to enjoy. I left the store with my new suit, feeling triumphant. Such a small, silly thing, yet it’s part of a bigger picture. A little self acceptance and a “who gives a shit what they think?” Attitude will leave you feeling free and happier. The suit symbolizes that freedom of letting go of the self negativity, the self judgement, and worry if the judgement of others.
So moms, let’s get our suits on, regardless of whether we have perfect bodies or if we are a big old hot mess, and let’s go enjoy what summer has to offer. Let’s not worry about what people think. Let’s make those memories with our kids, and teach them to accept themselves.

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